A Bittersweet New Year

Walking into the new year feels bitter sweet for me. This will be my first NYE without Clayton. Many many years ago, before we were married, we didn't spend one NYE together + it just didn't feel right at all, so we both made a promise that we would always spend NYE together. With me being an event planner the past 15 years that has meant he has had to join me at a few NYE weddings + we have both had to make it a priority each year. One year he joined me at a wedding and as an architect he just couldn't get past that most of the exit doors were being blocked by chairs for storage. He was focused on the fire exits and all I needed him to do was keep the groomsmen in this one area before I sent them down the aisle. Let's just say he was the worst event assistant I have ever had but also the cutest. Kissing him at midnight with perfectly timed confetti will always be one i remember. One of my favorite NYE memories was when we attended a friend of mine's wedding as guests. My friend David is an incredibly talented floral designer and he and his husband threw the party of the year!
The most memorable part for me was that because it was a gay wedding and the guests were also predominately gay, Clayton kept getting hit on. By the end of the night he was hiding behind me with both of his hands on my shoulders using me as a shield. I mean, could you blame them? Clayton really was the cutest and those dimples could make anyone melt. But we danced our hearts out and sang at the top of lungs with the most animated group of gay men and it was probably the most fun party we have ever attended. So this first NYE without Clayton is going to be a tough one. And just like the rest of life, I believe we can hold joy + grief simultaneously. If you have been following me for any amount of time, you know I am consistently seeking celebration + joy and although I am allowing waves of grief and processing the many stages and emotions that come with loss, I am embracing those tiny pieces of light that shine in darkness. I adore the fresh start of a new year. It feels like magic + light for me. Praying you have an amazing new year. Cheering you on + encouraging you to celebrate more.✨