Don't Clean It Up Too Quickly

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.”

Clayton you were desperately missed today. You were always one of the kids and hands on with every gift that was opened while I was the one taking all the pictures. You were also the one picking up the wrapping paper and immediately putting it in a trash bag. I always found this ironic because I’m the clean and organized one while you were typically more complacent. We enjoyed our tradition of French toast for breakfast. I reminded the boys you told me you loved me for the first time while you made me French toast. The boys and I kept your place setting at the table and we knew you were near. Last night and today are two of the hardest I’ve had to endure. My heart physically feels broken and it’s hard to breathe. The warm tears flowing down my cheeks remind me to stay present. I know you would be proud of us. We are strong and brave, especially your boys. We love each other fiercely like you always loved us. We did everything with you in our hearts and experienced joy and magic despite the emptiness. The one thing I didn’t do was immediately put the wrapping paper in a trash bag. I’m sorry baby. It was a glorious mess and it made me smile to defiantly leave it all over the floor this year. I love you. Merry Christmas 🎄